Living With a "Colicky" Baby

    
 I have always questioned the idea of a "colicky" baby. I firmly believe that babies cry for a reason, and since it is their only mode of communication, it should not be disregarded.  Because I hold this view, it has been a day and night struggle to find out why my child is crying. I can only sit down to write this now, because the worst of it seems to be over..... she is peacefully sleeping in the other room. Contrary to the old views common to my grandparents generation, I know that her cries were not simply “to exercise her lungs” or “get out extra energy”.
 
     The first three weeks of Vera's life, I thought parenthood was a breeze. She would eat and sleep, she caught on to EC (elimination communication) habits, made the sweetest little baby sounds, cuddled up to anyone, and rarely cried. I was already thinking of the "next" kiddo and wondering when I could get pregnant again. 

           About the time Vera turned three weeks old, she began to have crying episodes in the evenings. The beginning of the "colickly" stage started with me having to stay up late with Vera until she went to sleep. She would sleep for an hour, wake up clearly uncomfortable, fuss for two hours, and repeat the cycle until morning.  I was always tired, and could barely cope with the days.  Feeling continually exhausted, I would break down in tears. I remember having thoughts that I missed my old life, didn’t like being a mother, couldn’t take it anymore, and worst of all that I didn’t like my daughter.  I almost do not want to admit that I felt that way, but it's the truth; sleep deprivation can play tricks on your mind. Then I would cry from the guilt associated with the thought of not liking my precious newborn baby.   Most of the time though, when she would cry, I would cry. There was something about her being inside me for 9 months, I could not separate her feelings from my feelings.  Poor Nic, not only was he dealing with a crying newborn, but on top of that he had to support his crying wife. He is always the strong one, it was much easier for him to think clearly in those moments. Other feelings I had included: desperation, helplessness, fear, anger, and apathy.  At one point my sympathy just ran out, I had felt so bad for her for so long, I just could not feel anymore.

She would cry, unconsolably, for 1-3 hours and sometimes, after a little break, she’d cry for another 1-2 hours. It seemed like everyday, however, it was probably only 5 days a week. On multiple occasions Nic and I seriously considered taking her to the emergency room, which is a BIG deal, since we try to avoid doctors at all costs, hence having her born at home. 
     
     We self diagnosed Vera with Gastric Reflux. We came about this diagnosis because anytime we would lay her on her back she would gurgle, spit up, and the fit of rage would begin. She would scream at a decibel that was clearly due to pain. While this was occurring, she would cough, hold her breath, and clench her fists near her neck.
     
     When she was about 6 weeks old, her aunt Val and grandma Melody were on their way up to visit. I remember feeling like I didn’t want any visitors because I didn’t want them to see what a bad mother I was. I also didn’t want to take her anywhere, because I feared that if she started crying I wouldn’t be able to soothe her. I was afraid if people knew how upset she was, they would see what a failure of a mother I was.  As a midwife I frequently helped other mothers figure out what was going on with their crying newborns, but everything I tried for my own child was not working. I knew, in theory, I had everything she needed; however because I could not soothe her, I felt like a complete failure. 

In our desperation to help Vera we tried many things: 
(For my next post, I plan on going over these, and results I saw)

• swaddling, shushing, and different swinging movements
• Different nursing positions and breast rotations
• Chiropractic care
• Gripe water
• Colic calm
• Prone sleeping, positional changes, inclined sleeping (note on mattress)
• Tummy time
• Praying over her, repenting for any hurt feelings
• Dietary changes
• Probiotics
• Elimination diets
• Allergy testing
• Mylicon drops

      I now know that I am not a failure of a mother. Now that she seems to be over that part of life, I am so thankful that we did not go to the emergency room. Please note, we are not totally against western medicine, it has it’s place. If Vera had not been gaining weight, or had any other signs of ill health we would have taken her to get checked out. Primarily, we think western medicine over-medicates and does not address the  root of the problem.  I am glad that she is not on medications that could potentially cause long term damage to her little body. Most of all I am glad that I was with her through that hard time. Not once did I abandon her, I never gave up,  and she was never left to “cry it out”. That’s my advise to anyone with a crying baby, if you have done everything you can to help them, and nothing works, then just hold them.  Let them know that no matter what, no matter how terrible they feel or how loud or long they scream, you will still be there.